Life in student halls & accommodation - what to do

• Do: If you decide to bring friends from back home to stay with you then beware.
  
  They are very unlikely to treat your new place of living with the respect that you would wish. Things that are likely to happen from my experience is public nudity, urinating in sinks, showers and basically everywhere but the toilet, trying to shag every single girl you are mates with, trying to get your Pakistani room mate to cook Chinese food, sleeping in yours and your room mates bed, whether they be empty of not and getting themselves lost. The last of these was probably the most interesting when a group of 5 naive scousers entered the big smoke for a weekend of hardened drinking and partying.
  
  On the second night after we left a club we realised we were one man down. Of course this one man was the one man who had the potential stupidity to jump into the Thames to save a reflection of him from drowning. But given our inebriated state we decided that he would be able to find his way home in a city, which he didn’t know, after a night of heavy drinking. We eventually arrived home at around 4am, still one member down. It turned out the guy had gone off with an ugly minger, typical, and then once he realised we had left him he decided it would be a good idea to go round knocking on random houses at 4am asking people if he could have a room for the night. Needless to say all the inns where full and there was no room for baby David. However one guy did feel that Dave should be given a roof for the night so he ever so kindly phoned the cop shop to provide.
  
  
• Do: Impressing women when drunk.
  At some point or other in your student life your going to want to do this, my advice is when your so drunk that Vanessa Feltz only looks slightly repulsive you should not talk to women. On one of the first nights of uni, when people where still familiarising themselves with each other and everything u did was being judged, a friend of mine thought it would be a good idea to head-butt a cork back into a wine bottle rendering himself unconscious and leaving a nice big lump on his forehead.
  
  
• Do: And now here is a competition for you all to enter.
  One night when on a mission to the 24 hour sainsburys me and my chums walked past an exclusive hotel in South Kensington, outside of this hotel were a couple of photographers. We stopped to ask them what was going on in the hotel and why they were waiting outside. Apparently there was some kind of celebrity bash going on. Anyway to get to the point I asked the photographer is he would take a picture of me mooning the next celebrity who left the hotel, he agreed. The fortunate celebrity who was to receive this honour was Tara Palmer Tomkinson. The following article appeared in the Sunday Star a week later…
  
  This completes our do’s and don’ts list, I know technically there were no do’s, but that’s cause I recommend you do most of the don’ts because they do work out funny in the end. Apart from the Soho story, never ever do that. Anyway If you have any funny stories feel free to send them to us.

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