Freshers guide to lectures

Lectures are very boring indeed so you may find yourself looking for new ways of entertaining yourself. My very limited attention span left me to invent new ways of staying awake. Here is a list of them in no particular order:

· Create silly names for fellow students, preferably ones you don’t know so that you can judge them solely on their looks and lecture habits.

Make it your sole intention in lectures to annoy these people and take the piss out of them.

Characters in my lectures included Frenchie, Frenchies bird, black bone, Fatty, Doughnut Boy, Cabbage patch girl and the milky bar kid. All of these nerds had their own unique powers and were laughed at on a regular basis.

· Blow up condoms, write messages on them and try to get them passed around the lecture theatre. This didn’t work very often, as most people seemed to be more interested in the work on the board, freaks.

· Steal large amounts of party poppers and shoot them at Fatso. Ok you may not have a Fat Bastard in your class but try to find one and if you can’t just kidnap the nurdiest looking person you can find so that no one notices they are missing, fatten them up and then shoot them. Trust me the fatter they are the more offended they seem to be by oncoming bits of paper.

· Make paper mashie shapes, ok this may seem a bit childish but why should things that are entertaining to pre-pubelescent boys be seen as childish?

· Wear a thong over your underpants and randomly get up out of your seat and run round the lecture hall without the lecturer seeing you.

· Bring in large amounts of peelable fruit and throw the peel at random unsuspecting victims. I personally consider coconuts peelable.

Next: More crazy stunts to pull during lectures >>